Lynn

remains of the day

2012-02-02T18:42:00.001+08:00

I'm afraid of this constant exposure of vulnerability. I'm scared that who I really am disgust you, just like how I've come to detest myself :'(

I hope you can accept me even though I am so broken and fundamentally wrong.

2012-02-02T00:39:00.000+08:00

Christopher Robin: “Forever and ever is a very long time, Pooh.”

2012-01-22T16:07:00.000+08:00

WTF!? Spoiling my image of Disney :( and why would Disney make such a show!!

Fun Fact #1: The first movie to use the word " Vagina " was actually a Disney film named "The Story of Menstruation."

Haha this is awesome...

Fun Fact #2: A Japanese soldier stayed hidden for 29 years after WWII ended, not knowing the war was over.

half a life

2012-01-09T21:59:00.001+08:00

I exist, I exist, I exist in the now; I matter, no matter how insignificant I may feel.

Even though 'now' makes no proper sense, for we all are so many light years behind.

Maybe then whatever we do 'now' only matter in the future, and of course, I would like to believe in an afterlife somewhere up there. I can look upon my implication, only then will I be truly convinced.

Vaguely interested in relativity - and the ability to transverse across time and space.

Almost forgot I'm turning twenty, why are these thoughts still haunting me. The thoughts that I used to have as a kid, the ones that scared me (and my mom, I think she freaked out when I told her honestly) that I wished I was better off not living. Such a depressed child. I hope no one has to go through the same pattern of thoughts.

Floater

2011-12-01T15:18:00.001+08:00

I've spent my entire life trying to please people but really, at the end of it all, I don't even have a someone to call my own friend. What have I been doing, what am I doing all these for? Such an empty feeling all over again. Can't help but look down on myself yknow. I can't even talk to people for the sake of my social health, its so bad that I just want to stay at home and hide behind technology.

Grosssss

2011-11-28T21:26:00.002+08:00

Funny how I used to be such an attention whore :/

2011-11-16T13:42:00.001+08:00

It's really sad to admit that I have nothing to live for.

2011-11-16T02:41:00.002+08:00

Co-rumination.

NO DISTRACTIONS!!!!

2011-11-16T00:30:00.000+08:00

Glad that psych essay paid off even though I didn't spend much time on it, just like genes essay :') kinda swayed by the grade to major in psych hahahaha. I'm really very screwed though, today is 16th, my psych paper is 19th and I'm not even anywhere near half done with revising for psych... :( spamming psych like mad for these few coming days. Need all the luck I can get+to sleep less!!!!

Just sayin'

2011-11-11T05:01:00.002+08:00

I wonder if dogs recognise their masters by their faces, instead of just their scent.

I... Don't want to stay around you.

2011-11-04T23:36:00.000+08:00

Pet peeve #1: People (especially irritating ones) nudging me excessively
Pet peeve #2: Making me a joke when it's really NOT funny at all (if it's funny still acceptable)
Pet peeve #3: Repeating things when I got it the first time. Especially when they're things I already know of/it's god damn bloody obvious

***

One may think we're all right, but we need pills to sleep at night.
We need lies to make it through the day, we're not okay.

Snowflakes

2011-10-27T01:58:00.000+08:00

Um, kinda really hoping I get to go to US in december, I'd be so sad if I can't go :(

Haha x)

And this is how Central Park NY will look like in winter!!

Possibly my first white christmas!!!!
Something to be happy about in a long while!
Can't wait, hope everything works out :)

stop the train

2011-10-20T14:11:00.000+08:00

When the heart is this empty, nothing is ever quite enough.

2011-10-18T14:16:00.005+08:00

I guess the whole point of having a relationship is such that one doesn't feel lonely anymore. And maybe to have a higher esteem about myself haha but that's such a selfish purpose to have a relationship. Sigh. Wish I know what I want :/ and that there is someone who wants me for who I am despite all my flaws/insecurities.

But I can't be sure abt all these. One thing I'm sure of though is xund rye, because you bother ♡ please stop saying you are terrible because to me, you are not. I'm absolutely glad to have you in my life/I'm even part of yours :)

Like a fool

2011-10-15T10:10:00.000+08:00

I have to stop comparing my own state with every other person. In all aspects. I know I can never match up or will never get lucky in that sense. It just makes myself feel worse, and to dream about something I know I will never get is...

I hope I do well enough...?

2011-10-13T23:15:00.000+08:00

So I was crossing the road on my way home and I thought to myself, "what if a car comes and hit me?" (sorry I have extremely morbid thoughts at times..., but okay, that traffic light is v dangerous because many cars run the red light so I guess my worry/morbid thought was legit) Yeah, back to it, so I was thinking about it and I suddenly thought of Final Destination and this conversation I had with Lisa they all a while back. We were saying due credit has to be given to the directors of Final Destination, like you have to come up with SO many creative ways to die... Can you even think of 3 creative ways to die now? Ahh that was the main gist of our convo lah.
But point is, I miss the girlfriends so much >
And I miss J so much too :'(

I'm thinking about applying for hostel just so I will actually have activities happening (~~I feel like~~ I am such a loser) but it's not cheap :( But it sounds quite exciting, it's some kind of advance staying in the new RC before it opens and we get to plan the stuff and all :o but okay, have to be practical, no money :(

I've been feeling so emo/lonely of late, with my weekends wide open, and every weekday is just school and home and sleeping, feel like this is very meaningless of late. No friends and such as well :/

But all right. This weekend marks the first attempt of me being less anti-social/going out for fun... I hope I won't be a bore there and be irritating. I have to stop complaining about being sian as well because it kills the mood and I think it gets onto people's nerves :( and Sunday morning is Sarah's baby shower, so awkward meeting the MB people... Haven't seen them in so long I hope all will be fine. I have this major fear of social awkwardness, I don't have anything interesting to say so I end up being quiet a lot :/ Okay, shall get back to webcasting (the first time in my uni life).

Miss the people who used to be in my life, please come back soon :'(

Don't believe in everything you think

2011-10-05T01:22:00.001+08:00

Guess I'm back, I got fed-up of waiting for onsugar to load. I am rather impatient. I'm just back to treat this blog (or any other blog I've ever had) as a venting outlet.

I don't get why I'm constantly disappointing myself. All the time. And always screwing my things up, especially things that matter most at this current point in my life. I live in this perpetual state of regret, where I dwell about my mistakes for the longest time, and I only move on when I have some other regret to mope about. Or worse, straddle between the two events. I don't understand why I keep falling short of my own expectations, and all I can think about is how much (or lack of) work and effort I have put in. But yknow what, I did man. Maybe it's about time to accept that I am not even an average person - I am below average.

Sick of being stuck in this cycle of being lonely, being sorry and being regretful.
[Edit] And the worse part is knowing I have no one to blame except myself. [/Edit]

Every ending is a brand new beginning

2011-03-14T00:40:00.000+08:00

Onsugar (:

2011-02-28T01:55:00.000+08:00

Omg I have been so fat lately ):
Need to lose weight and lose some boobs along with it.
I hate how I can't fit into most of my clothes and even my tees are getting tight omg :/
And I hate it most that I can't buy so many nice clothes because the bust measurement is too small.
Grrrrrr. Hate boobs.

2011-02-20T15:44:00.002+08:00

I may switch to a new blog.

And I refer to my last post, my stand still remains.

I want you to be happy once again, like truly, from-the-heart-type of happy.

This time, it's for real ♥

2011-02-09T21:43:00.002+08:00

I think you will be happier without me (:
And I really hope I can do this for you.
Sorry for all these months, I'd say almost an entire year actually, all these clingy moments I had, all of the not-wanting-to-let-go, all of those times when I needed you to be here for me, and too many more to be honest.
I don't exactly know what I miss from this relationship, I know the feeling hasn't been the same for way too long, it's like as though you stayed on out of responsibility and not because you wanted to be with me. To be honest, I don't know what I still want from us. I don't think I really like you like I used to, no more sparkly feelings, no more instant happiness from your texts. No doubt, I still really enjoy your texts and they last the entire day, talking to you and being my closest friend.
And for that same reason, I have come to realise I'm wrong and you deserve so much more, so much better than someone like me. I was being too selfish for wanting you, for taking you as someone who could belong to me, someone who possibly who'd want me because I haven't felt that way in a long while and it's really good to feel special after such a long time. Yes I'm way too self centered, sorrry! :/
You are an old habit I have to kick and I know it isn't easy. But give me time. I promised myself I'd be able to do it. Now that you're in army I suppose this can be a start, less talking, this auto decrease in texts. It's definitely hard, especially after spending the entire aftern on Gossip Girl and watching Blair and Chuck... But yeaaah, I'll really try very hard. I know I still have this promise to you (or many more just that I don't remember), and I'm on my way to it, everyday. I hope it'll be significant haha.
Also, I hope I don't miss you tomorrow more than I did today, and the day after tomorrow will be less than tomorrow and so on.
I am terribly sorry for all of what I've made you go through and for what you've become.

And hereby,
I should banish every memory you and I have ever created.
And we should only be friends.
If I should fail again, I will never be able to move on, and that is too much unfairness to you.
I want you to be happy once again, like truly, from-the-heart-type of happy.

I will be strong, must.

2011-02-07T22:56:00.004+08:00

BB!

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing

2011-02-01T22:33:00.000+08:00

Lately I find this quote very intriguing, so I'll put it up on my blogger too (saw it on tumblr).

I know it is a bad thing to break a promise, but I think now that it is a worse thing to let a promise break you.

Well honestly, this should not be bothering me so much. Like my previous title, I should be getting over this feeling but well, evidently I'm not. I don't have anything substantial to say actually, I just really need to get this little part of myself out. I should be used to it, I should be oblivious, I should be unfeeling, there's many "I should"... But I'm not. I should finish my book at a faster pace.

So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I’m still trying to figure out how that could be. - The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky

And also, I wish there was someone who knew how I feel without me having to speak for myself and trying so hard to explain the reason because there's no particular reason for it, I'd just say I'm fine either way ; I just wish that there's someone could possibly comfort and make me feel better. Just so I won't feel this anonymous hurt from creeping into my mind as and when it feels like ): I know I'm being a complete wimp by wanting someone to rely on but it's a little tough to get by sometimes, even though it'd mean exposing myself in my most vulnerable state. I just want someone's shoulder to cry on, actually quite specific, but this is completely psycho and I think I'm needy beyond words.

Need to get over this feeling

2011-01-30T00:40:00.000+08:00

I want to watch Burlesque haha :D

2011-01-27T22:52:00.001+08:00

I'm my greatest disappointment :/
Even reading so much about it I can't trigger myself to, need more self control.
Unrelatedly, I like the feel of freshly cut hair. It feels really good. But this isn't a change big enough.
Im feeling so messed up I don't want/mean to be so snappy but ugh.
I dont particularly want it to leave it hanging on such a bad note.
I want a holiday where I can use up my free prints, new photos, I don't want the past. Feel as though many things have kinda changed, photos aren't reflective of what I feel now.
Gosh, I have to stop being so annoying and gross and whiney and irritating and fat grr.

2011-01-19T13:22:00.000+08:00

I feel like baking lasagna(sp?)!!!!
Yummy ):
But I don't have recipe and my throat is terrible sigh!

Indecisiveness

2011-01-14T21:32:00.000+08:00

I think there's this part of me that regrets rejecting the internship offer, but I hope I made the right choice.

Okay I know the comic is irrelevant hahahaha. After deliberating for so long, it seems more worth it to reject? I just hope I can do something fruitful in between now till uni, or do something constructive (like uni fund!).

If you can see it?

2010-12-29T11:17:00.002+08:00

Omg I'm way too heavy now if I were still in sch I bet I'll be 110% or worse 120% sighhh.
I gotta start controlling my diet ):
Also, I don't know if you know this but I miss you.
I miss our sweet talking.
I miss having your arms around me.
I miss having your smell lingering on my shirt.
And I don't know if I shld be telling you this, but I really miss us.

Let's remove the space between me and you

2010-12-27T01:18:00.000+08:00

Why all the cute threadless tees not on sale!
:(
I want to buy tees but but all (those I want) are kinda expensive plus no more free international shipping anymore sigh!!!
And Forever 21's sale is lousy right now hahahaha I bet it's due to the buy 1 get 1 free from sales item so everyone buy buy buy end up with v little stuff left!
I have a life that's stuck with buying only sale items, too poor, too poor already!
Even though I shouldnt even be thinking about spending because I have to start saving $$$ but I keep wanting to spend and I super love snail mails especially like big parcels (eg clothes etc etc!) but I are so poor I should just go back to tumblr (which is free). Haven't been there for ages but I'm lazy and I don't have a mouse yet so it's difficult to keep browsing OHWEEEELLL SHALL GO TUMBLR A BIT STILL THOUGH (: Nice photos make me feel better.

Gotta download itunes too D: HURRRR. And maybe MSN? Except that I don't even use it and I'm too lazy to download.

You got to keep this broken heart stronger

2010-12-23T14:26:00.001+08:00

I let you in, just a little too close
You shut the door, so nobody would know
I know I heard a shot, on the fourteenth floor
The music was raw, you really put on a show

*** (Dead Poets Society)
John Keating: They're not that different from you, are they? Same haircuts. Full of hormones, just like you. Invincible, just like you feel. The world is their oyster. They believe they're destined for great things, just like many of you, their eyes are full of hope, just like you. Did they wait until it was too late to make from their lives even one iota of what they were capable? Because, you see gentlemen, these boys are now fertilizing daffodils. But if you listen real close, you can hear them whisper their legacy to you. Go on, lean in. Listen, you hear it? - - Carpe - - hear it? - - Carpe, carpe diem, seize the day boys, make your lives extraordinary.

Douche bag BB

2010-12-17T01:02:00.002+08:00

There's this song I hold quite true/I feel it's quite relevant.
But it's so utterly cliche that I'm embarrassed to mention it.
Besides, the singer looks hideous in the music video.

I mention this almost every post but I rly rly want to get away/go on a holiday ): ): someone pls take me away to a place with nice beach, awesome hotel and possibly a waterfall. Otherwise, take me to see snow, where all I worry about is feeling cold.

You have no idea how badly I want that.

2010-12-08T17:24:00.002+08:00

WHY YOU BULLY ME
DID YOU SEE THE SMILE APPEARING ON YOUR FACE

2010-12-03T18:56:00.000+08:00

I see thing(s) that make me feel very alone :/
Makes me question myself about what have I done so far in my life/are they any worth it D:

2010-11-20T22:16:00.002+08:00

What the..., even my maid says I grew fatter sigh. I'll be Pig in Nighthogs.

Fat and stupid.

(......) Lesson learnt, Pig died.

I really really want to go overseas/go away on a trip ): but sigh, not happening ):

I get tired of human, of being human

2010-11-13T22:54:00.000+08:00

No archives, no nothing.

Just one, because I don't bear to shut this down yet.

2010-10-19T21:17:00.001+08:00

I have no idea how I knew that uh, condoms have lubricants on them. I feel like a sick and pervy girl D: I feel like a sinner, why I know this type of things :/ It would be a better use of my brain if formulas and definitions are packed inside instead!

2010-10-18T23:16:00.003+08:00

I need to learn how to say no firmly!
PBRRRRR!!! W D A T G L H O T T S I C.

hate you (hate me too much)

2010-10-14T22:34:00.001+08:00

This time, it's so much easier to tell myself everything will NOT be okay :/
Ugggghhh.
And that doesn't help, instead it makes everything worse.
I'd say that's the root cause.
Hmmmm... :/

tag

2010-10-09T22:46:00.003+08:00

Everyday, once.
That's a promise not kept.
And the reason for taking it off.

my day in a line

2010-10-08T23:46:00.003+08:00

The wipeys made me laugh today.

2010-10-07T23:08:00.001+08:00

If I fell in love with you, would you promise to be true?

2010-10-02T20:33:00.005+08:00

Now now, I keep wondering what have I done to deserve this.
Now, I understand why I've had such thoughts since young.
I blame it on the environment that I'm in.
It makes me want to take the easy way out.
I'm worried about too many things.
I want to get out of this, this mess, this horrible episode that 2 of my closest have been through.
I want to say "been there, don't that, survived it".
It's just that I can't see myself making through it all, I don't know how to get by and I hate every single moment of this.
I don't even know to whom and how to talk about it.
The severity has always been put down by everyone.

2010-09-29T21:06:00.001+08:00

I CAN'T WAIT TO GROW UP.
I want to be able to make it.

At least Chuck had always loved Blair

2010-09-24T19:03:00.001+08:00

Human- Jon McLaughlin

Can you tell me how we got in this situation?
I can't seem to get you off my mind.
All these ups and downs,
they trip up our good intentions.
Nobody said this was easy ride.

After all, we're only human,
always fighting what we're feeling,
hurt instead of healing.
After all, we're only human.
Is there any other reason why we stay instead of leaving, after all?

Can we get back to the point of this conversation,
when we saw things through each others eyes?
'Cause now all I see is ruin and devastation.
We all need some place we can hide inside, and...

After all, we're only human,
always fighting what we're feeling,
hurt instead of healing.
After all, we're only human.
Is there any other reason why we stay instead of leaving?

I'm smart enough to know,
that life goes by,
and it leaves a trail of broken hearts behind.

If you feel I'm letting go,
just give me time.
I'll come running to your side.

Can you tell me how we got in this situation?
I cant seem to get you off my mind, 'cause...

After all, we're only human,
always fighting what we're feeling,
hurt instead of healing.
After all, we're only human.
is there any other reason why we stay instead of leaving?

After all, we're only human,
always fighting what we're feeling,
hurt instead of healing.
After all, we're only human.
Is there any other reason why we stay instead of leaving, after all...

Any other reason,
to stay instead of leaving,
after all?

2010-09-20T23:36:00.003+08:00

I can hardly feel at ease these days :/ it doesn't feel like doing anything is comfortable. I just want to lie in bed and pray for changes even though the change I want never ever happens. I want to get away from this place, you know, like how everything is mocking you and you're so intangible you are probably so much better off having a holiday elsewhere alone. Yes alone, not even with company because company makes fun at you when you least need such. I have too many unfulfilled dreams/things to do/places I want to go/pictures and scenery in my head, and, I don't even talk about them. It's a shame.

Can I go way back?

2010-09-20T22:31:00.000+08:00

After A While by Veronica Shoffstall
After a while
you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn love doesn’t mean leaning and company doesn’t always mean security.
And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts and presents aren’t always promises
and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and and your eyes ahead with the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child.
And you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.
After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers
And you learn that you really can endure, that you really are strong and you really do have worth and you learn and you learn
with every good-bye you learn.

HAIR ISSUE

2010-09-12T22:11:00.000+08:00

OKAY GOTTA STOP CUTTING MY FRINGE AND MY HAIR ITSELF!!! (:
Resist the temptation to cut away uneven strands of hair/thinning ends!

The only time when I looked okay with bangs

Nice fringe times

Pretty hair

HAIR

PHOOF HAIR

Okay I like the second last one most, I think it's the colour hahahaha.

Then again, so much hair on my leg and arms ): SUCKS TO BE ME ):

2010-09-08T21:49:00.003+08:00

Stop falling sick lah -.-
Think what, fall sick free ah.
Got a lot of time to fall sick is it.

Fun fact 101

2010-09-04T23:38:00.003+08:00

Did you know?
I like hugging (only) you.

2010-09-03T22:08:00.003+08:00

Individualistic.
Yeah, sometimes I feel I'm really someone like that.
You'll know how ironic it is if you do know me though.
D:

2010-08-25T20:56:00.001+08:00

Have I told you this?
I've been wanting to cry lately
Even though there's no one there, I know,
Not even anything there for a second
I just want to be free.

CLOSE YOUR EYES, CLEAR YOUR HEART, LET IT GO.

2010-08-21T15:45:00.000+08:00

Totally think that this

is so much prettier than

this.

SIAANNNNNZZZZ ):
Stupid preorder, I ordered the second (uglier) one and I dont think I can cancel my order. Meh.

I need somebody to tell me that it matters, or that I matter as a matter of fact.

2010-08-14T23:03:00.003+08:00

I don't even know why I bother -.-
Feels like goodbye, this space.

doks, reality check!

2010-07-27T21:51:00.001+08:00

Omg, this sudden sense of urgency/stress coming over me.
Trying to decide if I regret not taking SAT earlier this year, trying to decide if I should try taking SAT.
I'm so worried about everything :/
I didn't study for econs case study tmr ):
I spent my entire afternoon looking at clothes online ):
I'm too unproductive, I have to find a way to study.
One more month to prelims?
Scaredddddddddddddd, must do well ):

when it's enough, I'll know

2010-07-22T19:11:00.002+08:00

I want someone who wants me more, more than how much I want him sometimes.

I agree.
Also, I think I'm being very irritating recently ):

It was not like this (neither was my face -.-)

2010-07-18T14:59:00.002+08:00

I have a question.

What happened?

I think in time I won't know how to be around you.

I think in time I won't dare to talk to you, just like how I don't dare to talk to any other friend.

I think in time I'll still get upset, be emotional.

I think having a blog with archives make it harder to move on.

I think older entries are there to remind us of what we used to be, what we used to think of each other.

I think they are there for comparisons between past and present,

everything that was happy seems to mock at the present.
I think deleting folder(s) is a good way to forget because there's no more basis for comparisons.

I think I'll be better tomorrow, in time.

(and then every now and then, it acts up)

I have to cope with it.

"And then I realise, I'm completely alone."

I need a facial plus manicure plus pedicure plus threading plus waxxxx

2010-07-17T15:36:00.003+08:00

Funny how french toes sounds like french toast.
Hmmm very different things.
Haha.

please do

2010-07-14T22:48:00.004+08:00

F
O
R
G
E
T

I honestly think I could be allergic to something, my face is so damn freaking itchy -.-
must forget/numb ittttt.
Should be getting less difficult.
Mustzzzz.

2010-07-13T22:00:00.003+08:00

But we've got no control over what happens anyway

And if it's gonna be a rainy day
There's nothing we can do to make it change
We can pray for sunny weather
But that won't stop the rain

2010-07-12T22:16:00.001+08:00

I miss didi! ): ): even up till today I still miss him!
Been so long since we took care of him, half a year?
): ): ): ): ): ):
There's no point.
First, last.
Don't mean enough.
Forget it.
Just be chubby.

somebody, call me

2010-07-05T19:11:00.003+08:00

It's painful to deal with it, but I can.
I've changed since.

I found a corner to cry

2010-06-28T20:40:00.003+08:00

When I get into a fight, I tend to give in and say sorry.
This time, I don't want to fight (math), I'm tired of being sorry.

things on my mind right now

2010-06-27T10:21:00.001+08:00

1. Feel very restless, as though I need to get out of the house, do some shopping, do some exercise.
2. I really enjoy studying, much as I've burned out alrd, but really, just anything else besides examination.
3. Feel very stressed/freaking out about ct, seems as though I am not getting sufficient sleep.
4. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
5. Very fat, and fat people don't deserve to be pretty, just like how I can't fit into pretty dresses RAWR.
6. Shift from LJ to Tumblr?

Back to basics

2010-06-26T14:31:00.004+08:00

I don't know if I like you, but I really like being with you.

2010-06-23T22:20:00.003+08:00

No, I don't have OCD. I've checked. About 314 times.

2010-06-22T22:55:00.003+08:00

FUCK YOU LYNN.

so that you can forget by the time you grow up

2010-06-20T01:03:00.003+08:00

it's funny how I can somehow manage to talk to you about things, as though I can get over and not be affected by them but when it comes to time when I'm alone (like now, lying in bed before I fall asleep) it tears me up from within to picture myself saying such things I can't tell if I still feel hurt or I'm just so numbed to it or smthg I'd rather not feel anything if I have a choice.

They say that we should give it time
But time is not enough
That's the reason why, when you're young you fall in love

It feels like my stomach*

2010-06-19T17:35:00.001+08:00

*Where there's nothing much left to come out, all I feel is gastric juice burning my throat. I can't tell if the low pH will kill the virus, I only know enzymes are extremely sensitive to pH changes, not sure about virus (since it's unlikely to be bacteria tonsilitics). Vaguely feeling better today since I managed to read through ICS. So much to catch up on, and tauhuay next week. I wonder if they serve cold tauhuay instead of the usual hot ones which I don't like stomaching.

2010-06-18T17:26:00.003+08:00

Man, v v v sick ):
Haha, I think I lost weight, considering the amount of food that goes in and comes out.
V worried about studying ):
rested 2 days alrd but still feel so meh.
And I'm so sick my ability to play bejeweled is affected, think that says a lot.
Ahhh so stress never finish studying, when will I get well I hope I can do better for ct2 I'm v upset ):

You're too young to be this empty

2010-06-11T20:59:00.000+08:00

Say your love, love, love.

2010-06-06T18:51:00.000+08:00

Slacked way too much today, didn't even do anything ):
Bad, bad.
I'm actually kinda rushing through this update before the laptop crashes hahahaha.
SO MUCH WORK TO STUDY OMG. And I honestly doubt the stuff I studied so far this week went into my head ):
Dilemma as well, CLUB VS LEPAK.
Hahahahaha, think only someone would know what I'm talking about (:
Starting to help out at Pathlight tmr!
Hope it'll be fun (: I'm considering whether to bring cam along, can camwhore with them, that is if they don't mind hahahahaha.
So sad that we didn't make it for the camp, stupid quota filled up so fast ):
Hopefully there's another one at the end of the year! :D
Nothing interesting around.

Also, I'm sorry if I've made you upset by reading my blog ):
<3>

no one

2010-06-02T22:01:00.003+08:00

I hope you're happy now.

But that doesn't mean I'm feeling any bit that way. Things haven't been going too well, idk, I can't even meet my own study schedule -.- things are messy, I hate dependence. I dislike how I can't even stand up for myself or what I feel. Seeing that I'm fine doesn't really mean anything. I miss school with ellyn and kevin, they make me laugh so much. And that is from the heart.

Need to take my mind off way too many things.

too long, too late (im one in a million)

2010-05-27T22:24:00.001+08:00

Screw the fact that I can't spell, I'm so disorganized in my thoughts, I lack self control and discipline, I'm so selfish and short sighted, I'm too ocd about unimportant things like colouring and drawing the fraction line with a ruler, I'm stupid, I'm useless, extremely inconsistent, I'm fickle minded, I'm worthless, I can't stick to decisions I make, I can't choose what food I want to take in, I let cravings control my life, and alongside with many others.

-.-

Nothing makes sense!

2010-05-26T21:57:00.004+08:00

This is too much.
It is a visious cycle D:

I feel unhappy, I eat. I eat, I still feel unhappy, and worse because I ate so much. Then I feel even worse I play bejeweled with such, distain. Then I eat more because I am still unhappy.

I shouldn't be talking.

Things always get ugly toward the end.

I'm not invincible

2010-05-25T18:20:00.001+08:00

Seriously, why do I even bother?

Nothing's ever worth the while, especially when Uncertainty faces you.
The pursuit of something leads to the sacrifice of another, also known as Opportunity Cost. With the opp cost forgone, you will and you can never know if something is worth it and make objective comparisons, because you'd let it go and you'll never experience it.

"Tell a girl she's beautiful and she'll believe it for a moment. Tell a girl she's worthless and she'll believe it for the rest of her life."

Maybe it's our first mistake, maybe that's a lie.
It's crazy how we've lost ourselves tonight.

hard candy with a surprise center

2010-05-24T22:47:00.003+08:00

The Island, that's one more movie to add to the list of movies I watched recently. Haha.

On a random side note, I really have this urge to go (learn) scuba dive/wakeboard/do some water activities. Except that I'll probably complain about how my hair never dries and I'm having such bad scalp now -.- but yeah, ohwell. Some tanning, alongside with the fun, wouldn't harm me THAT much.

GP in 2 days, man, I really don't want to fail ): managed to find out what's tested for each subject, I would say chem has the least topics but it doesn't make it any simpler/easier D: CT2 SO STRESSFUL AND ITS A MONTH AWAY... BINGE ON ICECREAM KTHXBAI.

I wish the subjects I took were like for instance, flower wrapping. I didnt do too bad a job at it for a first timer. Meh!

2010-05-23T21:24:00.003+08:00

Think think think think think!
No, no, no, no, no.
Must think logically.
Must write 25/50 essay.
Don't want to fail like mad again!
If I'm a lover and can't think properly then,
Ahhhhh!!!
I am not a lover!
This is too scary ):
math is scary too. So is everything!

On a side note, I watched another 3 more movies.
That's 5 movies in 3 days. Lakehouse, She's the man and underdog haha.

Realised certain stuff.
I can be at ease being alone.

Never find someone like you

2010-05-22T20:43:00.003+08:00

Two good shows in 2 days (:
I'm tremendously happy/moved by I Am Sam ): Cried and cried way too much hahahaha.

Sam: Lucy, Lucy like the diamond in the sky. Lucy!
******
Lucy: Daddy, did God made for you to be like this or was it an accident?
Sam: Ok, what do you mean?
Lucy: I mean you’re different.
Sam: But what do you mean?
Lucy: You’re not like other daddies.
Sam: I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Yeah, I’m sorry.
Lucy: It’s ok, daddy. It’s ok. Don’t be sorry. I’m lucky. Nobody else’s daddy ever comes to the park.
Sam: Yeah! Yeah! Yeah, we are lucky. Aren’t we lucky? Yeah!
*******

Lucy: I won’t read the word!
Sam: I’m your father and I’m telling you to read the word. Cause I can tell you to because I’m your father.
Lucy: I’m stupid.
Sam: You are not stupid!
Lucy: Yes, I am.
Sam: No, you are not stupid ’cause you can read that word.
Lucy: I don’t wanna read it if you can’t.
Sam: No, because it makes me happy! It makes me happy hearing you read. Yeah, it makes me happy when you’re reading.
Lucy: [Lucy reads again]

Everyone should watch such good show(s) (:

comfortable snuggle with cuddlezz

2010-05-19T22:12:00.001+08:00

Going to the library has been a routine to me for the past week.
Been going there to check if I can borrow I Am Sam ):
Even Dan and Lisa says it's good.
Stupid bugger who isn't returning it!
Rawr I want to watch ):

Bought a dress online last night, I hope I can fit! D:
Bought 2 sets of lingerie HAHA so irritating, they never ever has my size ): but I'm happy still hehe and waiting for june, la senza birthday month 50% off! :D my Mom's gonna kill me for spending so much on bras!!!

This's quite funny, funny how I'm having a new maid, at the age of 18. Don't really like having someone else snooping around the house, I'm pretty used to being alone in the house now so yes, need to get used to it ):

On a side note, really can't wait for june hol. Set a day aside just for lepaking and icecream and movies and (:

2010-05-13T21:10:00.003+08:00

My ~~new~~ disease.

Otherwise known as The Sleeping Disorder.
Remedy: Enjoy a nice warm shower with Lux White Glamour, Switch on the air con in the meanwhile, snuggle up in bed underneath the blankets.
Works best when a loved one is in bed waiting for cuddles.

All not achieved except the first one, though I don't have white glamour now - some other soap but ohwell.
And my room's aircon is leaking ): Can't really use it. And dad is back from malaysia -.- Don't want to sleep in mom's room anymore. SIGHHHH. I WANT AIRCON.

2010-05-11T22:56:00.003+08:00

"Will you stay with me?"

"As long as you want me to"

TOYED!

2010-05-09T22:02:00.001+08:00

Dance night is over.
I'm having mixed feelings about it. Sad because its our last dance as a batch ever, it's literally a love lost, but happy yet because I know I can concentrate on one thing now and not having to balance my life between dance and work. I'm glad I've picked dance as my cca and I'll pick it again even given a second chance (:
Also, I'd like to thank all those who came down and support me heh really really glad and I feel so touched by my dears! Felt pseudo-popz HAHA.

Finally went to the doc to check out what's wrong with me. Been fevering for the past 4 days. Found out I have tonsilitics hahahah he took a photo to show me. Quite exciting actually, make me slightly more interested in maybe gng into med. Though I doubt I will but ohwell! (: and its quite funny how I thought it was my lymph node hurting but tonsils heh. I keep thinking all doctors are rafflesians hahaha what elitist am I.

I got so used to that feeling that I forgot everythg about us.
But wait, Recently, I found out, I like you, a little more (:
Also, I miss you, even more (:

if you think I would, you got it all wrong

2010-05-06T20:55:00.004+08:00

I'm hurting too much.
Time to stop.

Dance night in two days ):
Fever.
Sucks to be me.
Always did anyway -.-

Give in give up give everythg I'm left with before leaving the empty shell behind.

I wish that we could give it a go,
seeing we could be something.

(or maybe we've failed right from the start)

time to sleep!

2010-05-03T22:30:00.003+08:00

(blank blank blank blank blank......)
Piss me all my fats off! -Inserts angry xanga smiley, I like xanga smileys they are cute-

I miss random people hahaha! And I really need catching up session with (: soon soon pls, after my dance night! And I hope your uncle rests in peace (:

Yay, happy because shutter island (finally) tomorrow.

Upset because I'm aching so badly esp my back I'm so worried for chem spa tmr ): A level ):

And
"Hi, my name is Fat. My full name is So Fat."
And and, I saw a B&Js flavour and I immediately thought of kevin plus he likes B&Js: "CHUBBY HUBBY" HEHE!

this kinda feels like discrimination

2010-05-03T07:16:00.004+08:00

Buggerzzz at D.
Double standards.
But I have no say in anything because I'm not good enough.

Yawn, long day ahead.
1 hr break for lunch, don't know what to eat, don't want to end up eating noodles.
Then no dinner because we end late and by the time I reach home all I want to do is crash. Meh!
Will be too tired to study spa -.-

I bet my brother is shitting in the toilet now, that's why I can't bathe, and then subsequently I'll be late for dance because I can't use the toilet to wash up... Oh whatevs. Its irritating.

2010-05-02T12:30:00.000+08:00

Tired and aching hahaha. My fingers can't stretch out and close without feeling some kind of pain hahaha. Can't clench my hands tight too. This is the result of helping bro out at his shop ystd. Way too tired, can't imagine having to do it all the time. Hope everything goes smoothly for him though! (:

Meh, didn't get to watch Shutter Island ): Im actually quite scared it stops showing anytime soon cos I won't have any time to watch it at least in the next week ): Dance dance dance everyday, going home at 9 and 10 and 9 each day. Okay last week, I shall not die. And I hope I don't screw up on stage especially. Internalise actions and balance!!!!!!!!!!!!

Is this the way you left me \ I'm not pretending \ (no hope no love no glory)

2010-04-27T17:00:00.000+08:00

I feel like crying ): But nothing's new, not even the crying part.
I'm supposed to go sleep now, so I can wake later and do econs newspaper article and math.
I think I will end up playing Bejeweled ):
Stupid me, stupid <3>
And by reading such subtle things, I think the worst out of every scenario. I wish I could grow out of it.

\ (no happy ending)

On a side note, I really find him cute and nice heh(:

2010-04-26T19:10:00.002+08:00

Was at my private blog, its funny seeing my younger (though equally bitchy, or perhaps more) self writing in there. Giving nicknames to people so that nobody would ever know, writing the names of (whoever) and how I felt at each moment in time. All the crushes/etc lame things. Its really quite funny and it makes me want to revert back there, where no one will ever know what I wrote or find it. Maybe there and then I can truly be honest to myself.

In all honesty, there's nothing great about being eighteen.

2010-04-07T21:44:00.002+08:00

Three better things that happened today
1. majorly happy for econs, hope I can keep up
2. bueno tasted very good today, not sure if it was cos I was hungry or tht I ever ate the lousy canteen ones.
3. no ulcers at the moment

Besides that, nasty. As usual.

I wish I was your favourite girl, I wish I was the reason you are in the world. I wish my smile was your favourite kind of smile, I wish my dress was your favourite kind of style. I wish you could hold my hand when I was upset. I wish you never forget the look on my face, when we first met.
- Nicest thing

Screw You, K Thx Bye.

2010-04-06T22:12:00.003+08:00

You don't do such things at my house okay! Sit at MY sofa and keep picking at and touching your bloody toes. Scabs falling all over or whatever fuck I don't want to imagine. Damn hygienic can! And its not even as though YOU SWEEP THE BLOODY FLOOR. HONESTLY. Fuck. And I hate how you talk on the phone okay. Srsly. Just go outside, get your own place and do whatever you want, freak you.

I've got a very very short fuse recently. I seem to get pissed at people whom I don't mind/can tolerate usually. And I mean everyone, no exception.

omg what is this!

2010-04-02T21:05:00.001+08:00

First, you came. You took my bed. Next you took part of my wardrobe. Next, you took the spot I always sit at when I watch tv. Then, you took the toilet when I need to use the toilet and the other one wasn't available. Also, you took my icecream. The one I was saving to eat after my cough heals. What else do you want to take from me? Just take my life. It'll be easier for me in that case. I won't have to see MY things slowly becoming yours. Srsly.

:/

2010-04-01T16:46:00.001+08:00

Okay, majorly irritated. At thing. At things. Rawgh.
RAWWGGHHHHHHH.
Freak. You.

pain and blackouts

2010-03-23T22:42:00.003+08:00

Effing headache plus hiccups.
Seriously.

Star people are rare

2010-03-20T21:56:00.001+08:00

Recently I deleted a folder.
Today I found another similar folder.
They're all over the place, reminding me of you, reminding me of me.
They mock me.
I can't fight this feeling anymore.
Star people are rare, I don't know if I can find them.
I have a sore throat.

2010-03-20T00:15:00.003+08:00

Suddenly craving for the biscuits/bun thing from Popeye's ):

And my waffles and icecream. Seems like I'll never ever ever get to eat it ):

Someone surprise me please.

I Miss You Like Crazy

2010-03-19T21:36:00.001+08:00

Well, was on facebook. Home page. Followed link to Dee's blog.
Found out she reblogged like one of my LJ post.
I'm suddenly inspired to update my LJ all over again.
More importantly because I realise people actually look and smthg I wrote and think, "hey that sounds not bad. Not bad at all I might want to put it on my blog."
They have no idea I came up with that whole part, but that's good (haha) maybe they'll just like eee that sucks if they know it comes from me.
I admit, I adapted the whole girl's POV from the boy's part (which I copied paste from somewhere), but I guess the girl's part was... Not Bad.
It kind of reminded me of those tougher months I went through, not knowing what to do, what he wants, whether he still wants me and the whole phase of wanting to give up.
I would not say that I'm not confused right now,
but I realise I don't have to be in love to update my LJ.
It can just be about simple things I see happening around me, I hope?
Need more lyrics, more love songs, more acoustic, songs, pictures.
And then I'll be on my way to catching the train of less possessiveness.

And it's something I have to do.
Besides studying that is.

2010-03-18T23:50:00.000+08:00

Or maybe not.

Withdraw your soul from now on

2010-03-11T21:31:00.002+08:00

There're things I want to talk about, but only to certain people.
And when status change, I dont think I can/want to talk to them anymore.

I miss my (ex)boyfriend and my best friend.

I wish I could tell him stuff like I used to but no I cannot, will not.

Lynn, you have to realise you are left with friends.
Your wonderful friends.
You have to tell yourself you feel loved.

OMNOMONOMOMNOM

2010-03-11T19:17:00.003+08:00

If you are weary
and your smile abandons you,
I will give you mine.
-Daily Haiku on Love by Tyler Knott Gregson-

Smile, smiles, they are ne-
-ver good enough. Not suffi-
-cient. I am not you.

I KNOW WHY I AM
FEELING LIKE THIS. BUT I CAN'T
EXPLAIN WHAT I FEEL.

RAWWWRRR -.-
I will not go back to swearing.

Don't let such things weigh us down

2010-03-03T20:09:00.006+08:00

"Most often we fall in love with the person we think we love but to only discover that we are just passing time for them, while the one who truly loves us remains either a friend or a stranger. So here's a piece of advice; let go when you are hurting too much, give up when love is not enough, and move on when things are not like before. For sure, there is someone out there who will love you even more."

Haha, this is such a LiveJournal worthy post, except I've been posting good stuffs about love and whatnots up there, don't really want this to spoil it (: Moreover, I'm lazy to edit the picture. I think I'll do this more often, referring to using BS. Doubt I'll be updating LJ much anymore since I'm so lazy and I'm hardly hardly ever on the comp :D I guess LJ will always be like a memory of what happened to me, minus all the unhappiness (:

And for now, I'm starting to realise I actually don't need things that I used to think I rely on, it's good I guess. And more majorly, this year has proven to be too important a year to let things that stray me off the track to distract me, though I never thought IT was capable of doing such, but it's always better to play safe. Yes, play safe ;) Protection is always better, though there is no telling of what protection that is ;)